Sooo I have a few friends that are dealing with breakups and such (like myself) and I have heard several things. All guys lie and cheat no matter how much I improve on myself, they will still lie and cheat (which I still believe to some extent, sad I know). People saying they are tired of getting played for a fool. People saying they give up they quit and they want to close their heart up.
Man this is used to resinate so much with me a few years ago.
But I have grown SO much. I am so grateful for it. Thank you God.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my days when I wanted to rip his throat out and I still get angry.
But the level of stubborness towards being angry and resentful isn't at the same level that is was before. Instead of running to that dark and comfortable place...Isn't it wierd how habits that are uncomfortable can become 'comfortable' because you are used to them?
Anyway, instead of running to that angry place, I have reached for a healing place. And that mess is HARD. But I said I was going to grow the $#^& up and step into the place that God wants me to be in. That is a place of healing. He never said it would be easy, and it is not. However, when I began to really look at myself and my past relationship I realize there are certain things I wasn't getting on a basic level. I can't date the same time of guy anymore, his mind set has to be on a higher and deeper level. I now appreciate men who understand me (and women) just on a basic level. Who don't go crazy when they don't understand, who take it just as it is if they never figure it out. Lol. But seriously, I can truly respect that. Maturity is so under rated. Just like people think someone has book sense, common sense comes along with it....NOT SO PEOPLE. Lol.
Anyways(again, lol), seems like I deepened the womb would I would get angry and stay angry after a break up. Not looking for a solution but just looking at the negatives, in the guy and myself. Don't get me wrong I have looked at those this time also, but that is not my dwelling place. My dwelling place is in a place that allows me to heal and open my mind to be optimistic for the next time God brings someone into my life. Also to know what to look for that I may have OVER LOOKED before.
Seems like I was too nice this time around and dealt with things I should not have put up with for so long. But that's aight, lessons learned...Time to get this application together and make sure my stats match the stats I'm looking for in my next starting player....lol!