Friday, October 10, 2008

Note to Self: Are you Living or merely Existing...?

Ok, I am going to make this post as honest as I can. I am really disappointed in myself right now. REALLY disappointed and it's sad to feel this way.

Was reading some of the quotes I have included on my blog over time. I may need to visit those one a week or something. I feel like I am afraid to participate in my life.
Unworthy.
And at this very moment as I think about it all, s-i-c-k. Been really selfish and egotistical in a way.
Don't get me wrong, I am quite blessed. That much I do know. I have just let fear get the best of me and I resent myself for it.


All of these talents and I am barely using them at all. And I know if God took them away I would just about go crazy. I watch people on stage and my heart beams with admiration but I am doing not a thing to get back up there myself. Writing a little bit, but that is about it.

Feel like I am just floating thru life, not leaving any footprints for my neice or anyone to follow. I really feel sick about it. Need to learn how to forgive myself and stop being stuck in my yesterdays. Old habits and mentalities are hard to replace. It's sounding like another poem...lol.



So the question is what am I going to do about it?

1. Stop being afraid of myself
2. Stop being afraid to fail
3. Have faith that whatever may come, God will see me through
4. Find a church that I truly feel at home with and become involved...voluteering, choir ect.
5. Find a Chamber of Commerce/civic club to join
6. Attend free (cause I'm broke! lol) artistic events to network
7. Find an artistic organization to volunteer with
8. Attend these dance classes that I have already paid for....that's right ALREADY paid and I haven't went back..
9. Create a new workout schedule and stick to it
10. Create a Bible study schedule and stick to it
11. Create a singing/dancing/keyboard/writing schedule and STICK TO IT
12. Learn to TRULY believe in God and therefore myself.
13. Save money to attend grant writing and event planning classes
14. #1-13 = GET INVOLVED!!


Three good ones from Ralph that spoke to me:


Living possibility

Set your life in motion by reaching deep inside. Touch your most wonderful feeling and peacefully surrender as it fills your awareness.

Life originates in this moment and it flows from the most honest and authentic experience of who you are. Whatever drives you at the deepest level is what enables you to move forward.


Think your best thoughts and feel your most intense feelings of how beautiful and fulfilling life can be. Rise above the meaningless distractions and choose to heed your very purpose.

The thoughts you have, turn into actions, and the actions turn into accomplishments. Now is when you begin to make it happen.

The world you envision is longing for you to bring it to life. Breathe in, right now, all the goodness you have ever known, and see clearly that anything is possible.

Reveal more fully in every moment the living possibility that is you. And fill your world with the best life you can imagine.

Ease your burdens

Don't make life's difficulties even more difficult by filling your mind with resentment. Instead, ease your burdens by choosing to be truly thankful for them.

If you feel resentment starting to take hold, stop and consider this. There's nothing to be gained by bringing yourself down over what has already happened.

Use the occasion to remember all the things for which you can be thankful. Rise to the challenge of seeing the positive aspects that are surely there within any troubling situation.

Holding on to resentment will drain valuable energy away from you. Gratitude, on the other hand, can fill you with fresh, new positive energy.

Choose to see the value in your situation. Choose to look forward with confidence instead of looking backward with resentment.

Right now, there is much for which to be thankful. Focus on the positive possibilities, and find real joy in steadily bringing them to life.


One small thing

One good thing naturally leads to another. So go ahead, right now, and do one good thing.
Just one simple positive step is enough to create some solid momentum. Go ahead and take that small step.


The challenges of life may seem overwhelming. Get yourself moving, just a little bit at first, in a positive direction, and those challenges will suddenly feel a lot smaller.

You don't get to the top of the mountain in one enormous leap. You get there one small step at a time, and from the moment you begin the view just keeps getting better and better.

What one small thing could you choose to set the tone for the rest of this day, or even for the rest of your life? There are so many possibilities available to you.

Move just a little bit in the direction that you know is good and right for you. Once you get going, you won't want to stop.

-- Ralph Marston



This is my first small step.


Quotes of the moment:


*Forget goals. Value the process. -Jim Bouton
*Don’t ever promise more than you can deliver, but always deliver more than you promise. -Lou Holtz
*Time gives good advice. - Maltese Proverb
*Pessimism wilts everything around it. -Michael Levine

*You can’t expect to win unless you know why you lose. -Benjamin Lipson
*If you don’t know what you want, you won’t recognize it when you get it. Author unknown
*Worse than being a quitter is the one who is afraid to begin. Lord, grant me the courage to believe in myself and the ability to focus on what I can do, not what I can't do.
*It is better to try and fail than to fail because you are afraid to try. Lord, grant me the courage to live my life to the fullest.
*Get rid of the excuses for not doing those things that make you happy. Lord, Your peace within me calms my spirit and opens my heart to recognize the joy of this day.

*If today's burden is too heavy, it may be because you have added on yesterday's problems or the fears of tomorrow's problems. Lord, help me to keep my focus and not take on that which is impossible to do anything about anyway.

On to other news....HOMECOMING GAME is tomorrow...YEAH!!!

And blogger is getting on my nerves. Keeps reformatting my post dang it!

Have a good weekend folks!

8 comments:

Somebodies Friend said...

Great post, I'm going to start making some changes today!

Thank You!

little_ionic said...

I guess we are all coming to the realization that self-discipline and self-motivation is what sets the survivors apart from the champions. Good post, get busy, and fly wit it - fly wit it!!!

clnmike said...

Yeah sometimes i feel like i am just treading water and not going anywhere.

Thats the sign that things need to be shaken up.

Beauty said...

nothing like some self reflection and evaluation. otherwise known as a swift kick in the ass

dejanae said...

im feelin u on this
i gotta take some friggin initiative too

Don said...

There's so much I can comment on - tremendous post, as always.

I think I'll make it short by saying I think the fear of failure is forever (still doesn't stop progress though) and nothing but the truth @ *If today's burden is too heavy, it may be because you have added on yesterday's problems or the fears of tomorrow's problems.

James Tubman said...

you'll get through this period

just keep your head up and be strong :)

MysTery said...

Good! And thanks for stopping by friend!

This is true ionic.

Yep Mike, things need to be shaken up.

You are so correct beauty. Thanks for stopping by.

:) dej.

Thanks Don and no, it should not stop progress.

Thanks james! :D